Every year, God gives me an overarching theme for that year.
This year, God asked me a question. “Do you trust me?”
My initial thoughts concluded that many bad things would happen to me to prove whether I would remain faithful to God and my Christian walk; that God would allow things to snow ball into this year that would challenge my faith and whether I made it out alive or not would deem whether I truly trusted God. I felt God’s correction pretty quickly. The fact that my default mindset was that God would bring heartache or struggles to test my trust proved that deep down, I did have trust issues with God. You see, this mind set doesn’t line up with the true nature of God.
Jeremiah 29:11 tells us, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”
My dad has been battling with cancer for over a year now. It has been a struggle and a journey, but he is hanging in there and pushing through. It is heartbreaking and overwhelming watching a loved one go through such a difficult time. It is even more challenging when there is nothing you can do about it! As a church we recently entered into a 14 day of prayer and fasting and I started with the mindset that through this fast, one thing that I could do was push hard into prayer for complete healing for my dad. Almost immediately I was confronted with doubts and fears about making the bold declaration of complete healing for my dad. Why? Do I believe that God can heal? Yes, I do. Do I believe that God is willing? Yes, I do. You see, the doubt lies not in God’s capabilities, but in my fear of disappointment. What if God doesn’t come through and I lose my dad? My flawed reasoning is if I harbour some doubt, then if it doesn’t go to my plan of complete healing, the disappointment that God didn’t heal him the way I thought he would won’t be as great. That the wounds of disappointment that would sit on the top of losing my dad would not cut as deep.
The reality is this mindset comes from not fully trusting God. I love God, and I believe his Word, but because I have been disappointed and hurt by people so many times in life, I protect myself with doubt and disbelief. I take my expectation of how things should be, look and feel, and put that expectation on God to ‘perform’ to satisfy my desired method of breakthrough. That is not trusting God. That is trying to control God. And that stems from distrust. So already, as I crack into the second month of the year, God is revealing to me the areas that no, I don’t trust you God, and that is okay. God is good and he takes on a journey to heal those parts that have been causing that distrust.
Romans 8:32 tells us, He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
Matthew 8:2-3 says, A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.” Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cleaned of his leprosy.
I know I am not alone in dealing with trust issues with God. Let me remind you that it is always due to broken parts in us, not God. We need to stop, acknowledge the areas that we have either a distorted view or incorrect mindset, and then allow God to reveal and heal those areas in our hearts. I love my husband. He is a good man. He is not perfect (don’t tell him that!) yet, regardless of what he ‘does’, I still love him because I believe that he is inherently good. I love him for him. God is good. Yet, God IS perfect. We often, however, attach our love or trust to God because of what He does, when he does it and how he does it, rather than purely because God is good. We need to flip it. God is good because God is good. Not because of any other thing or reason. Part of the trust journey is putting aside what I think things should look like or how things should work out and TRUST that no matter what happens, God is in control and I can trust that. Bit by bit, I am getting closer to answering His question…
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes God, yes I do.”